Toffee Covered Strawberries
Gentlemen, can you hear me? *Taps mic* Hey, you there in the back – Can you hear me?
Gentlemen – Your wife’s Mother’s Day is around the corner.
Let me tell you what this DOESN’T mean.
This doesn’t mean you leave Mother’s Day “up to the kids” or tell your wife “Tell the kids to take care of Mother’s Day”. That’s insensitive as fuck, homeslice.
Little known fact, homie: It’s not THEIR responsibility to celebrate your wife’s Mother’s Day. It’s YOURS.
It’s ‘yo job.
You have to make it SEEM LIKE it was their idea. But it’s you who is spearheading this initiative.
You buy the cards when your wife isn’t looking, and plan Mother’s Day breakfast. Cracking the eggs, mixing the pancake batter. Squeezing the smack out of oranges is all you, boo.
When the kids are placing breakfast items carelessly (to make it SEEM like they did all the work) on the breakfast tray, you have something to do with it.
Clean the kitchen, because after all – It’s HER DAY.
Basically, Mother’s Day is YOUR project.
I know, I know – You are on the cusp of saying something stupid like, “Every day is Mother’s Day”.
Don’t do it to yourself. Don’t be a dick.
You know and I know that every day is NOT Mother’s Day, and don’t treat her like every day is Mother’s Day, or fold several loads of laundry on the regular so she can get some rest.
Ordering dinner once in a while or warming up leftovers that SHE COOKED is not taking care of dinner. Not even close.
Walking up to her with the dust pan after she’s all sweaty and smelly from cleaning for two hours is not “helping out”.
And when was the last time you did the dishes?
So if you plan on using the “Every single day is Mother’s Day” excuse, you be DAMN SURE you’re pulling your weight.
Now flow with me, I’m going to hook you up with these Toffee Covered Strawberries ‘Cause that’s the kind of chick I am.
Men, what have I said about women and effort?
Women dig effort. They dig that shit. DIG IT.
It makes us feel appreciated. So appreciated.
Take care of your boo. She’s raising your seed. She ruined her body to carry those precious children who look like you. She’s spent many a night nursing fevers, kissing boo-boos, helping with homework, and making sure those kids are off the pole and off the pipe.
She deserves a day. The woman stretched her abdomen to an unrecognizable mass of skin to grow your seed.
Treat her right.
Make her these toffee covered strawberries.
These Toffee Covered Strawberries will take about 7 minutes of your time. There’s the potential for 3rd-degree burns. And putting yourself in the face of danger for her gives her the warm and fuzzies. It shows you care.
Don’t worry, you won’t get burned.
Ready to make this toffee situation?
You need sugar and butter and salt and vanilla extract. You caramelize this situation until it’s an amber color. You’ll need a thermometer. You wife has one. If she doesn’t, buy one. Make sure the toffee reaches 285° Fahrenheit. Quickly, dip the strawberries in the toffee. Be careful. Don’t burn yourself.
Feed your boo some strawberries. In the middle of the day. Send the kids out to play. Give her a massage. Or a, um… SPECIAL massage.
Treat your woman right, fellas. Don’t slack this Mother’s Day. ‘Cause let’s be honest, you can’t raise those kids on your own.
Peep these strawberry recipes!
Toffee Covered Strawberries
- 1/4 cup half a stick Unsalted butter
- 1/2 cup Granulated sugar
- large pinch Kosher salt
- large splash Vanilla extract
- About 12-14 - Medium to Large Strawberries
- Melted chocolate for drizzle, optional
Make the toffee:
- Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and set aside.
- To a small saucepan, add the sugar, butter, kosher salt, and vanilla extract over medium/ low heat, stirring occasionally to incorporate ingredients and ensure you don’t end up with a greasy mess. Insert a candy thermometer and bring the mixture to 285° Fahrenheit on a candy thermometer. The mixture should be a nice, amber color.
- Remove the pan from heat and working very quickly (AND CAREFULLY!) dip the strawberries one at a time into the toffee. Swirl around to cover the strawberries with toffee and then place on the parchment lined cookie sheet. Drizzle with melted chocolate, if desired.
- The toffee will last about 2 hours before the condensation from the strawberries begin to soften the toffee. It’s not a bad thing, but thin hard toffee is everything.
- Toffee adapted from Cookie and Cups